Five Ways to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

1. Build a very large boat. Pack clothing, medicine, food, seeds, a salt-water purifier, and put dirt all along the top of the boat. Sail off to sea and live off your own crops and stored food. Zombies can't swim, and even if they walk along the ocean bottom they can't walk up to you because you will be on the ocean's surface.

2. Go to the Okefenokee Swamp in Georgia. Zombies can't travel through swamp very easily, will probably get stuck, lost and eaten by alligators, and the swamp is impenetrable. Pack food, seeds, guns, etc. in a tiny kayak and thread your way in between the cypresses. The zombies will not be able to find you in the over half-a-million acre refuge, there will be no other people and therefore no zombies, and there is abundant wild edibles and animals to hunt.

3. Hole yourself up in an underground concrete bunker with a huge store of supplies to last for 1,000 people for ten years. Put an airlock in the bunker, with a small adjunct with a few holes to shoot through. Attract zombies with noise and kill them with spears, knives, arrows that you poke through the holes. Let in anyone who arrives so they can help. In ten years, a group of ten can kill 5 million zombies, and a group of a hundred can kill 50 million. A group of 600 could kill every zombie in America in ten years. Disadvantage is you never get to go outside, and you have to live trapped underground. Advantage-- you are completely safe.

4. Go to Alaska and live in the arctic national wildlife refuges there. Zombies are slowed down by the cold, and there are few people there. It will be very cold, though, so you will be at risk of dying due to exposure, the elements, or lack of food. However, you should be able to live there as the Inuits did.

5. Find a tall steel-reinforced building and lure the zombies up to the roof with bait, causing them to walk off the sides of the building. Then, lock all the doors on all the levels and the roof door, and hole up inside. Shoot zombies below through the windows with crossbows with strings tied to the arrows, so you can reel the arrows back up. The only risk is if enough zombies arrive and are able to knock down the building-- so work on building up the strength of the walls and reinforcing the

The simplest diet

Breakfast:

cereal of 2/3 cup rolled oats with one cup of milk

Lunch:

Two baked potatoes, one cup of whole milk, one cup of cooked chard dressed with two tablespoons of Udo’s Choice oil, ½ tsp. added salt.

Dinner:

One baked potato, one cup of milk, one cup of cooked chard, one cup of cooked kale, ½ cup of almonds

• Calories: 1,800
• Nutrients: everything you need and then some
• Prep Time: on Monday, bake 21 potatoes, and while they are baking cook 14 cups of chard and 7 cups of kale in big pots. Put the potatoes in a bowl, and the chard and kale in separate covered pots in the refrigerator. This should take about an hour. You are done for the week. At meal times, serve yourself from the refrigerator.
• If 1,800 calories isn't enough, eat some fish and seaweed to go with your meal.

Weekly Shopping List:

21 potatoes

3 gallons milk

3 bunches of chard

1 bunch of kale

Udo's choice oil

3.5 cups almonds

5 cups rolled oats

Iodized salt

(you can add other herbs and spices if you want, as well as lemon and vinegar)